Strength
by CrazyLake42
Summary: Best friends are the ones you go to when time gets tough, what happens when that friend leaves you? What happens when you don't have the strength to tell them how you feel? [ONESHOT]


**Strength**  
**Summary: Best friends are the ones you go to when time gets tough, what happens when that friend leaves you? What happens when you don't have the strength to tell them how you feel? ONE-SHOT  
Warnings: Slight cussing, cutting Disclaimer: I own nothing... Sue the Ham Pimp if you must sue someone!  
A/N: This story is one of my more personal ones. Please be gentle when r_eviewing._

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_It's always cold now. So cold. You're gone; you promised to never leave me. Why did you lie? I thought I meant something to you. Does best friends forever sound familiar? Didn't think it did. How--why do you do this? You ditch me for him, but when the slightest problem occurs, you run back into my arms. Why do I let you run back into my arms? Why am I so weak? Why can't I hurt you once? Only once. What's one time to the millions of times you hurt me?_

_Am I really that worthless? Maybe the world would be better off without me, I seem to mean nothing to anyone. I've got nothing to lose anymore; I've already lost you. I've lost all hope in our friendship. You never really cared for me did you? It was just a lie right? A simple way to manipulate me into to being your little psychologist. I was nothing to you, just a shoulder to cry on when things got tough. Don't lie to me, tell me, did you enjoy playing with my emotions? Did it get you off knowing I sat alone in my room, crying and bleeding?_

_Tell me, does he really care about you? Does he provide you the same comfort I did? I mean, will he give up his Saturday night to listen to you complain about an ex, or that bitch who doesn't like your shoes? Has he ever told someone off because they hurt you? Does he mean more to you then I ever have?_

_People tell me I should tell you how I feel, but I'm scared it will hurt you. I couldn't stand knowing the fact I caused you any type of pain. Maybe I'm just weak. I care to much. I'm scared that if I tell you, you'll end all that we have build. I don't want to fight; I guess living in pain isn't that bad. Though, if you can treat me this way, what's stopping other people from doing it? I mean I am worthless. I need to tell you, but I can't. I know I can't and I probably never will._

_Did I ever treat you this way? When I started going out with Phil, did I ignore you? Did I push you from my life completely? I don't think I did. I believe I hung out with you more than him, that's probably why he broke up with me. Probably felt I cared about you more than him, which is probably true. Friendships like ours are hard to find, plus Phil was a jerk anyways. I mean he flirted with every girl in sight, but you were there to pick up my pieces. You put me back together and promised me we would always be friends, but then you saw him. The promise were broken and I fell apart. It seems the glue you used wasn't strong enough, it was the cheap brand wasn't it? The brand that says it works, but it really does._

_Why can't I just tell you how I feel? Why can't I just let it out? Why do I let you put me through this pain, this darkness. The darkness is inviting though. I can lock myself up and never be hurt again. I'm sure I'll become numb and the cold will fade away. The pain I feel will dull to a simple throbbing. The shards of broken heart will disappear and leave a hole. The blood will stop flowing eventually, but the wound will never heal, will it?_

_One last question, why haven't you noticed? I've left so many hints for you to see. I guess he's blinded you. Love is a funny thing. It can cause happiness or it can cause death. I'll sit by and watch you and Tommy live a happy life. I'm happy for you Lil; I really am, even if I have to suffer. I'll suffer a million times just to see you smiling. I'm glad you got your happy ending. I don't think I'll ever get mine._

_Kimi_

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A sad sigh broke the silence of the darkened room. Kimi sat on her bed re-reading what she wrote in her journal. A tear left a trail down her face as she looked up and stared at the picture of Lil and her. Another tear followed the same path as she got up and sat her journal on the desk. The moon didn't make is appearance and dark grey clouds covered the night sky.

"Midnight blue and grey really does suit each other," Kimi whispered to the night sky, which responded with a small breeze. "Will I ever have the strength to let her know how I feel?"

A small breeze picked up again making the branches on a tree dance, almost as if it was nodding. Kimi smiled slightly and walked toward her bed. She sat on the edge, her head in her hands, and allowed a few more tears to escape. She reached for her nightstand drawer, top one. Inside it was a small pink box with little flowery designs on it, inside the box were four picture frames, unused, with the same design. She removed the picture frames and took out one of the three razors she kept hidden in it.

Another sigh was released as she rolled up her pants leg and brought the razor down to her soft flesh. She pushed down and allowed the fleshy dam to break, a rush of crimson blood appeared on cue. The blood made her smile and the pain made her forget. She stared at the cut she made and made another one, then another, and one more just because. Kimi looked down at her ankle and instantly regretted what she did. Inside her drawer was another box, one that should hold chapstick, but it didn't, inside the box was about twenty to thirty band-aids. The biggest ones were pulled out and put them on the cuts feeling extreme guilt.

"Why did I just do that?" she asked herself. "Dil's gonna be pissed; I can't believe I broke the pact. He's gonna be upset I didn't tell him what was wrong. FUCK." A small sob escaped her lips. "I've betrayed the only one who knows. I don't deserve him."

Kimi moved to the middle of the bed and fell face first into her pillow. Sleep called her, and she answered.

"Will I ever get my happy ending?" was her last mumbled question as she fell into fitful sleep.

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**A/N: Well that was lame, wasn't it? I don't think there will be another chapter, but things change and there could be. I hope you enjoyed the fic, please review.**

**Lake**

**Other fics: WMoOC will not be out for awhile. FLTL is currently being worked on, it should be out in a few weeks or so... maybe. Sorry bout it taking so long. There's a link to a message board in my profile, come join it. We need members!**


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